Of Pleasure and Pain

I suppose it’s called transition for a reason. It’s a full mind and body metamorphosis and not just for you but for those around you. Your whole world changes day by day from inside out and usually there is pain before there is pleasure.

Tearing down the persona you built up so carefully and strategically throughout your life is a painful process. You start as the same person you’ve always been but you change a little thing or two here, some other innocuous things over there. But each change you make stings a little. It’s one less piece of the old you that isn’t really you.

But you begin to relish in the pain; you begin to look forward to it. Not for the pain itself but for the aftermath that is to come. With small changes there is little pain but pain none the less. It’s like testing the waters of your very soul.

When you put yourself out there for the world to see, you’re open to rejection and ridicule.It’s stressful and anxious but so rewarding. It hurts to be rejected but feels so much better to be true to yourself and be accepted by those closest to you. It’s like running a marathon: it starts to hurt after a bit and gets worse and worse before it gets better but at the end, there is so much joy and pleasure that made everything you had to go through well worth it.

When you start making significant changes, however, the pain also becomes significant. You’re no longer the person you were but you’re still not the person you want to be. You become a creature of addiction; looking for your next fix. You need the pain; it’s necessary. It still hurts but you need it.

You need it because it’s a reminder of getting one step closer to who you are and one step further away from who you were. Still wading through muck and mist of your soul, you force yourself to experience the painful process for the ecstasy the result of that change brings you.

It’s like tearing off pieces of your flesh to complete a jigsaw puzzle and with each piece you put into the puzzle, the happier you become… but each one removed from your flesh hurts a little more each time as well. And thus you become dominated by the building process itself and the dichotomy of pleasure and pain until the puzzle is finished. Only then will you see the image so clearly. For the first time you see yourself.

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